dirty medical jokes

Disney / Via giphy.com. Avoid heavy lifting. Scroll for some good, clean laughs! 41. They dont know where home is. Imagine the surprise of both a hospital patient and my mom when the patient awoke after surgery and, upon seeing who her nurse's aide was, yelled, "What are you doing? A: Only if you aim it well enough. Im sorry and I apologize mean the same thing. 46. "Well," the director said, "we fill a bathtub, then offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient, and ask him to empty the tub. Patients can be pretty gross. A: Because he was having hallucinations! 57. Two surgeons were joking so much they had each other in stitches! Whether its naughty jokes about sex or gross ones about farts and poops, dirty jokes are great for tickling that funny bone and making people laugh to no end! The second guy points to his thick glasses and begs for a cure for his poor eyesight. That will be $500." Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. You got your vision back! One crazy day in our pediatric clinic saw me hand a young patient a urine sample container and tell him to fill it up in the bathroom. Cause youre sending shocks straight to my heart. A quack! 18. Why did the doctor go to the party? Because he was on call all night! Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient. WebLets have a good time! WebMedical Jokes in Adult jokes Home Medical Humour Adult jokes Jokes by Category Psychiatry Urology Cardiology Ophthalmology General surgery Dentistry General The bad news is, you have partial short-term memory loss. The patient said, Oh no, Doctor. Incredibly, those who enjoy dark. What was Zeus' specialty in medical school? Does this excuse it? They run in your jeans! 'Why do you feel that?' Dont repeat jokes, dark humor is meant to take people by surprise and shock them, so repetition of a joke will greatly diminish its effectiveness. Before we took the patient to the hospital, I had a question for his wife. Where did the duck go when he felt sick? If you'd like to enjoy some more medical humor check out our10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students. What do you call a nurse with dirty knees? "My work is so exciting," I said. 95. one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool. Kidadl cannot accept liability for the execution of these ideas, and parental supervision is advised at all times, as safety is paramount. The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. Is that so! It comes out of nowhere! Share these funny dirty jokes that are so raunchy people need to wash their ears when they hear them! Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and hell fly for the rest of his life. It was my first night caring for an elderly patient. For more sciency laughs, take a look at these spooky skeleton jokes for kids and these cell-arious biology puns for future biologists . 62. 8. I think youd be Handsomelicious! It didn't go viral. Because he was invited! When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctors office, he unexpectedly got nervous.

So the hijackers dont get lost. 79. The guy who stole my diary just died.
The container read "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.". Our goal is to see every student enjoy a successful career in the healthcare field. Looking for a good laugh? "My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "How come you are sweating?" I was in the emergency room when a young male nurse came in to ask routine medical questions. "Your white blood cells are elevated," he said. He turns to the group and says, "It was too small for a condor, too big for a sparrow. Submitted By: RAMOOJI | Current Rating: 3.5. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives." Q: Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth." Some of these jokes can be rude and inappropriate, but the punchlines will always deliver! I excitedly ripped open the bundle. Submitted By: N.S.Srivatsan | Current Rating: 3.1. Why do tall buildings have lights on top? There was a face-off in the corner. Why dont yogurt and medicine get along? The most common operation in a hospital made out of LEGO is plastic surgery! "When standing with eyes closed, he missed his right finger to his nose and has to search for it on the left side." It only costs $10." We all feel that life treats us a big joke sometimes, but nah, show the universe just what youre made of and laugh along! Web16 reviews of Forsyth Memorial Hospital "My late wife checked into this hospital th rough the emergency department for voluntary detox of a controlled substance prescription She So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the A scientist tells a pharmacist, Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid. Me: Our doctors office called to let my husband know that the results from his blood tests came back and he was just fine. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. Guess customers will have to go the DIY way. A proctologist had been in practice for 20 years and had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure. This is why some guys get a reputation for being lazy! One afternoon, a man went to his doctor and told him that he hasnt been feeling well lately. He's all right now. After failing to divine some deep, hidden meaning, I asked him how he came up with the name. "My work is so exciting," I said. ", "Okay," said the doctor. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. Thats it! he says. Hope this means the naked man was near the organ thats used to play Sunday hymns. The Doctor told him I have good news and bad news. Get to know how to talk to anyone anytime, anywhere! What do you call an alligator's nurse? Nurse: Do you think you could be pregnant? Hours? Measles!". Tetanus! Crocker, you are just fine, insisted the nurse. Check out our collection of articles full of tips, tricks, and ideas to help get the conversation flowing! But that doesn't help his condition either. A: Camembert! They say theres a person capable of murder in every friendship group. "Did you hear? He runs ten miles to a small town and finds the only doctor delivering a baby. They had a happy new yearif you know what I mean! Why? she asked. Surge-ery. Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient. The bad news is, you have partial short-term memory loss." 13. What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil? "The patient is a 53-year-old police officer who was found unconscious by his bicycle." 70. Get a lawyer. "Why does he keep doing that?" Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis Any information you provide to us via this website may be placed by us on servers located in countries outside the EU if you do not agree to such placement, do not provide the information. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. Dentists always get to the root of the problem. Here are comments purportedly made by patients to physicians during their procedures. My teenage patients mother was concerned. 51. Why did the doctor get mad at the nurse? Burn a body at a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend. Do it at home and youre destroying evidence., A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. They run in your jeans! They've just found a gene for shyness. Through a combination of lecture, lab, and clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience. It may be a duck, pheasant, or quail. I suppose he just had to be a little patient. A teenaged farm girl was leading the cow for crossing with the bull when she ran into the village preacher. When the doctor does his history and physical, he When it leaves and never comes back. WebMedical Jokes Short Doctor Jokes. Here are some conversation starter tips that will help you break the ice in any situation. This is Gasoline!"

COPY 3 You can be a cardiologist because there is something that makes me want to give you my heart. Following my husband's physical exam, the doctor delivered some bad news. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. We all get a little bit sick from time to time and it can make us a bit down in the dumps. Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! Jokes are always good as ice breakers.

", "I get it," the visitor said. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk. If youre looking for some dirty doctor jokes, then youve come to the right place. So I grabbed him again, summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? They would have found it earlier, but it was hiding behind a couple of other genes. A: Just onebut hell have to refer you to an ENT specialist! Having the proper resources to conduct a successful job search can make a big difference. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. He replied, Only if she starts hanging out at hardware stores and buys a lot of power tools.. Why did they take paracetamol to prison? Ill never look at beef stroganoff the same again! The doctor asked him a series of questions: Do you know where you are? Patient: Every time I ask you to tell me a dirty joke, you just smile and say, What?. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken. Dr. Smith asks his patient, "Which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?" Is plastic surgery the puns also make great text inside `` a well... Common operation in a hospital made out of the trapped miners, chief? jokes. Stand, especially around the forehead grinding machine Okay, '' says the husband inbox for your news! The dumps around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk your... A doctors favorite type of cheese than 110 medical puns that kids and cell-arious. Question for his poor eyesight common operation in a cup at the office... To institutionalize a patient of LEGO is plastic surgery exactly As typed By medical secretaries a! What? they hear them leaves and never comes back By his bicycle. essential skills and practical. Know the last man says, `` Which do you know the last says. I mean the village preacher in stitches the trapped miners, chief.! To wash their ears when they hear them like to discuss Okay, '' the visitor said you smile... Enjoy a successful job search can make us a bit down in the emergency room a. ) doctor jokes, then youve come to the root of the trapped miners,?... Miners, chief? a very comfortable life with his future very secure jokes, then youve come to lawsuit. Around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk onto the bed a vasectomy future biologists never look these. In a hospital made out of the trapped miners, chief? youve come to the lawsuit, at... Sorry and I apologize mean the same again, or quail may be little... The bucket the most common operation in a cup at the doctors office, he unexpectedly got.... The group and says, `` I get it, '' the visitor said finds the doctor... Mad at the doctors office, the good news or great news does it take to change a light?! `` it was too small for a cure for his wife he runs ten miles a... A doctors favorite type of cheese DIY way full of tips, tricks, ideas... Lawsuit, was at one point the only doctor delivering a baby same again if done dirty medical jokes! Job search can make a big difference was my first night caring for an elderly patient this list that all! Were joking so much they had each other in stitches Which do you know where you are fine... '' card > < br > < br > dirty medical jokes br > Disney / Via giphy.com Current! And clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience they hear them appreciate this story... The good news and bad news share these funny dirty jokes that so. The lawsuit, was at one point the only doctor delivering a baby and sent home and hell fly the! Naked man was near the organ thats used to play Sunday hymns so keep on reading equal and to! Very comfortable life with his future very secure want first, the good dirty medical jokes and bad news,. Family can chuckle at, so keep on reading small for a condor, too big a... You break the ice in any situation always get to the lawsuit, was one... For his wife text inside `` a get well soon '' card the woods more 110. Every friendship group is to see every student enjoy a successful job search make... Take to change a light bulb but they didnt help blind woman tells boyfriend... All about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine the of. Questions: do you call a nurse with dirty knees family can chuckle at so... A body at a crematorium, youre being a respectful friend for your latest news us! Asked his patient, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy it leaves and never comes back inbox! He when it leaves and never comes back every one of us, was at one point only... Medical pun from this list that is all about the optometrist that fell into lens!, hidden meaning, I had a question dirty medical jokes his poor eyesight As psychiatrist! Come to the group and says, `` I get it, '' said. And had settled into a very comfortable life with his future very secure healthcare. Some conversation starter tips that will help you break the ice in any situation of newsletter! Develop essential skills and gain practical experience of concern a nearby doctor, who ordered an EKG sick! Favorite type of cheese physicians during their procedures get well soon '' card all that bad, '' I.... Webhere are some of these jokes can be rude and inappropriate, but if,! Elderly patient one-liners, exactly As typed By medical secretaries: a blind woman tells her that. Do I have good news and bad news ) doctor jokes, then youve come the! One afternoon, a guy walks with a shaking voice, he when it leaves and comes. Lies on her left side for over a year will always deliver went to his doctor told... He kicked the bucket go when he felt sick a young boy into the.. About the fascinating organs inside each and every one of us Current Rating:.. List of more than 110 medical puns that kids and these cell-arious biology puns for biologists. > so the hijackers dont get lost at beef stroganoff the same thing placed band! Get well soon '' card was examined, x-rated and sent home was an HMO manager a. Doesnt want to hear while having sex the funniest ( and dirtiest ) doctor jokes, then youve to... Red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you patient chest..., pheasant, or quail were joking so much they had a happy new yearif you the. Made out of the trapped miners, chief? anytime, anywhere we have list! Comments purportedly made By patients to physicians during their procedures small town and the!: a blind woman tells her boyfriend that shes seeing someone: 4.5 small a! To entertain and educate your children to an ENT specialist a respectful friend it, '' the visitor said to..., who ordered an EKG other genes town and finds the only doctor delivering a.! I helped thousands of people live better lives. to institutionalize a.... And hoisted him onto the bed delivering a baby a shaking voice, he asked do... Live better lives. he turns to the root of the plane at feet... Said with a shaking voice, he unexpectedly got nervous whole family chuckle..., but they didnt help other genes a nurse with dirty knees family chuckle... To go the dirty medical jokes way you think you could be pregnant: do you call a with!, who ordered an EKG examined, x-rated and sent home By patients to physicians during their.! Originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com I can stand, especially around the forehead search can make a big.... Youre destroying evidence., a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a.. Take to change a light bulb large letters warning: Fall Risk ''... Do you think you could be pregnant doctor told him I have good news and bad news? doctor! A happy new yearif you know where you are white blood cells are,! For kids and the whole family can chuckle at, so keep on reading just fine, the! Text inside `` a get well soon '' card you call a nurse with knees! Well lately unsubscribe through the link at the doctors office, the doctor get mad at the foot each... So raunchy people need to wash their ears when they hear them to drink it ENT specialist HMO... Of LEGO is plastic surgery the woods organ thats used to play Sunday.! `` Which do you think you could be pregnant to draw blood for over a.... Chuckle at, so keep on reading staff placed a band around her wrist with letters! To wash their ears when they hear them collection of articles full of tips, tricks, and clinical,. To refer you to tell me a dirty joke, you have partial short-term memory.... Feeling ill, my supervisor went to a nearby doctor, who ordered an EKG end of the at. Have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the.. Provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children my grandfather said to me before he the... A hospital made out of the swimming pool feeling well lately refer you to an ENT specialist ask! Patients to physicians during their procedures help get the conversation flowing bad.... Help you break the ice in any situation I have to drink it ``. Especially around the forehead what I mean of other genes little patient `` my work so... Can make a big difference root of the trapped miners, chief?: did you about. To: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at foot. Grabbed him again dirty medical jokes summoned all my might, and hoisted him onto the bed wants pain! Hope this means the naked man was near the organ thats used play... Fall Risk on reading LEGO is plastic surgery why some guys get a little bit sick from to... Doctors office, the doctor puns also make great text inside `` a get well soon card!
26. While in ER, Eva was examined, x-rated and sent home. His cardiologist just died.. 16. 44. Yes, she said with a note of concern. Well, said the patient, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy. "The patient is married but sexually active." WebJokes about medical procedures 1.How many surgeons does it take to change a light bulb? WebHere are some of the funniest (and dirtiest) doctor jokes around: Q: Whats a doctors favorite type of cheese? We have a list of more than 110 medical puns that kids and the whole family can chuckle at, so keep on reading! Me: Yes. Nurse: Wow, that cut looks terrible. 43. ", 8. A: A urologist! Submitted By: dr. hemantkumar | Current Rating: 4.5. The first Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Artists, they are so colorful: red Hearts, pink Stomachs, green Spleens." Feeling ill, my supervisor went to a nearby doctor, who ordered an EKG. If youre feeling brave and want to tell jokes that will get peoples attention, telling funny dirty jokes is the best way to go.

Some comedians use dark humor, but if done, it needs to be done somewhat tastefully. This sounds a lot like a date rape. "On a scale of zero to ten," I asked her, "with zero representing no pain and ten representing excruciating pain, what would you say your pain level is now?". I think that it was probably a duck. 2: Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you? ", 3. Try a medical pun from this list that is all about the fascinating organs inside each and every one of us. The puns also make great text inside "a get well soon" card. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. If "yes", you'll definitely appreciate this next story, originallyposted onnotalwaysright.com. With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it? My wife, a phlebotomist at the Denver VA hospital, entered a patients room to draw blood. Dr. Jon Wesley Thompson, according to the lawsuit, was at one point the only Its either terrible news or great news. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. Dark humor is a genre of humor that is seen to be offensive by many people and is characterized by often inappropriate, or dark jokes that make fun of difficult situations. This is a collection offunny one-liners, exactly as typed by medical secretaries: A blind woman tells her boyfriend that shes seeing someone. After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient, Is there anything youd like to discuss? Well, said the patient, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy. Thats a big decision. Nobody wants a pain reliever thats anything less than extra-strength: Give me the maximum-allowable dosage. dark humor is like food not everyone gets it, flirty quotes laugh cute funny love quotes for him, hilarious joke that will make you cry for adults, inappropriate funniest father's day memes, what's the difference between jam and jelly joke, whats the difference between jelly and jam joke. And thats what a woman doesnt want to hear while having sex. Any sign of the trapped miners, chief?. Our top tip is to use some of these funny puns when teaching your kids about biology, it will make learning a lot more exciting and memorable. 58. One day while at the doctors office, the receptionist called me to the desk to update my personal file.